Is it a cliché that suggests that women are "natural peacemakers"? Does this image stem from a perception of women in their roles as mothers or does it reflect some truth common to all women?
Women are perceived as more compassionate, less threatening, more willing to listen, learn, and opt for reconciliation over force. Traditionally women have been acknowledged as peacemakers within the home, separating squabbling children with the paramount need to protect and cherish.
Now that women are playing much wider roles in society, gender-based assessment seems to show that women have something special to contribute to the larger realization of victory over violence, of the realization of peace.
Women have primarily been the victims of marital or partner conflict. Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women between the ages of 15 to 44. Every 21 days a woman is killed by domestic violence, according to the Bureau of Primary Health Care Database. Some 70 percent of murdered women are killed by a husband, lover or estranged husband or lover (Kellerman, 1992.
But there is another significant battery on women by husbands and lovers that is not seen as a killer, namely, unprotected sex by men with multiple partners. Women account for 50 percent of the cases of AIDS, according to the U.S.Virgin Islands Department of Health's Office of HIV/AIDS Surveillance Quarterly report from June 30, 1999.
Among women, the proportion of AIDS cases attributed to heterosexual contact was 47 percent. Women are the fastest growing population of AIDS cases. While every abusive relationship tells an individual story that may differ in some respects from other relationships, the common pattern of abusive behavior centers around the issues of power, control, and manipulation.
How can we deal with deeply entrenched cultural mores and traditional gender roles? How can women break out of the cycle of being abused and misused?
My own view is that women need to be more empowered and take more responsibility. We need a set of institutions and practices that will create opportunities for women to understand and recognize that violence, whether sexual or otherwise, is unacceptable. We need women to take responsibility for the sexual act, for it is costing them their lives.
We need to create the confidence in women that love at any cost is not true love. We need to energize women to take their capabilities of managing work and family in a holistic way and apply these capabilities to all aspects of their life. If women still believe that by staying quiet and submitting to male domination sexually and in the home is "keeping the peace", they cannot hope to contribute to peacebuilding on a wider scale.
In our discussions on "Victory over Violence" it was a young woman, my teenage daughter, who suggested let us produce images of peace and nonviolence which are as interesting and gripping as those of fighting and war.
In our discussions on HIV and AIDS, it was an older woman who stated that her anger of being helpless to her mate led her to act violently rather than responsibly as she would have if she were dealing with her children.
Let women who have decision-making authority in the home have the courage to change their helplessness and seek assistance from organizations that can make a difference. Let women who have decision making authority in the media, in the courts, in the offices, in the medical community, in the Senate, utilize the same skills of understanding, communication and negotiation, to make a difference to change the institutions in which we work.
Let us be proud of who we are; accept and respect ourselves; and require the same respect when in our partners’ arms as we do in the other aspects of our lives.
Let us join with the youth and engrave the pledge of victory over violence that reads as follows:
"I, _________________, will value my own life. Recognizing that a lack of self-identity and hope for the future lies at the root of all violence, I will reach beyond my limitations, taking concrete steps each day to uncover my real potential. I will never give up on my dreams, even if they seem impossible. I will respect all life. Recognizing that violence comes in many forms, I will not isolate myself but will create an environment where others feel comfortable and can be themselves. I will see beyond the superficial differences and reflect on my own behavior. I will inspire hope in others. With courage, I will resolutely stand against violence, be it verbal, physical or passive, and teach others through my own example. I will support others and encourage them to follow their dreams."
