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Ask Coach Paradise: Is Long-Distance Love Really Love?

Coach Paradise is here to help people make the kind of changes that will allow them to live the lives they only dream of. Recently returned to her own tropical home, she is offering her services so that others can create paradise in their lives wherever they are. No concern is too big or small for her unique coaching approach which comes with compassion, creativity and a heartfelt desire to help others produce extraordinary results. If you have a question for Coach Paradise, please send it confidentially to her at anne@coachparadise.com.
Dear Coach Paradise –
I have been "seeing" a man for a couple of years now. I put "seeing" in quotes because he lives far away and I haven't actually seen him for almost a year. Out contact is via e-mail and phone. The year we met we got together every three or four months and had a wonderfully intense and romantic time with e-mails and phone calls in between. We both seemed to think that our lives would allow us to spend more and more time together in the future. This has not come to pass. He has had many problems this past year – business upsets and housing problems – and didn't show up for Christmas as planned. He has just told me that he will not be able to come to our summer retreat after all. I have been "in love" with this man. He has many of the qualities that I want in a partner and he has been my fantasy guy and virtual lover. The thought of ending it and ruling him out makes me very sad but I am ready for a real relationship and want to be open to other men who are in a position to be there with me and for me. Any words of wisdom?
Heartbroken in Paradise
Dear Heartbroken –
You don't have to rule anyone out. You say you are ready for a real relationship. Well, what if your grandest dreams were small compared to what the universe has in store for you? Gives me the shivers. It sounds like your intention (something that you hold really close to your heart and want to see manifested in the world) is to be the kind of woman who will attract a man who will be your perfect life partner. I would suggest that the more you are able to affirm this, be specific about the qualities you would like in a partner (including those qualities that you treasure about your far away friend) and picture this person coming into and being a part of your life – the more likely it is for that person to show up. Maybe your long distance lover will get his act together or maybe it will be someone even better. Don't short-change yourself and close the door to all kinds of opportunities. As sad as it may be to accept that this man is not currently able to be there in the way you had hoped, it may also be a blessing that he is not showing up and fanning the fires for another year of e-mails. Here is your chance to open your eyes, take a deep breath, look around and demonstrate your intention in how you show up in the world. Let me know what you notice and who shows up – I think you are going to be very surprised and pleasantly surprised at that.
Keep the faith,
Coach Paradise

Editor's note: Coach Paradise (aka Anne Nayer), Professional Life Coach, is a member of the International Coaching Federation, an MSW clinical social worker/psychotherapist, and a medical case manager with 30 years experience working with people of all shapes, sizes and challenges.
For further information about her services, call 774-4355.

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