In his biweekly column, Langley Shazor speaks to issues important to men within the territory.
“Am I my brother’s keeper?”. This was asked by Cain after he slayed Abel. In that moment, he didn’t [want to] feel as though he needed to be responsible for his brother. In fact, he was, and he knew it. We are here to serve others and to help them (along with ourselves) face all the trials of life. To be human is to exist in community with others. Hearkening back to scripture, the Word says that “it is not good for man to be alone”. Even though the immediate support or “helpmate” was the creation of a woman. The implications of us not meant to be alone were far-reaching and still contribute fundamentally to a blossoming and healthy society. It is our interconnectivity that shapes our beliefs, ethics, morals, behaviors, etc. Even though we are what we think, what we think is a direct reflection of our environment, inside and outside of our homes.
If you look at your sphere of influence and you aren’t inspired, if they are not encouraging your growth, development, and maturity, you don’t have a circle, you have a cage. I did not come up with the phrase, but once I read it on social media, it was seared into my mind. It also became one of the pillars of the rubric that I gauge my interactions against. This also applies to myself: am I uplifting and supporting or holding people back? We don’t like to admit this, but sometimes we are the problem. We cannot expect to be vaulted into our next season of success if we are also being inhibitors to others. There is a difference between standing on the shoulders of great people and stepping on people in an attempt to become great.
To be a keeper is to introduce a level of responsibility and, our favorite word in The Lounge, accountability for the well-being of others. I recall that my parents told me that I can’t save the world, however, everyone has their own “world” in which they live. When I came to this conclusion, I realized that I could save their world, one person at a time. And so can you. When we keep people, we aren’t declaring them property but a privilege. We get to protect, empower, influence, encourage, and assist them in their life journey. I believe that, aside from parenthood, this is the noblest and most gratifying task assigned to us. Unfortunately, we live in a time where we are only concerned with our own lives and well-being.
Caging people is the exact antithesis of keeping. It as far as you can swing the pendulum when it comes to our interactions with people (specifically we are meant to care for). If we are honest with ourselves, we are all [something] for being a roadblock in someone’s life. Now this might have been inadvertent, but it happened, nonetheless. We still need to take ownership of where we have been in previous impediments and ensure we make the necessary adjustments to be enablers going forward. However, there is a sinister set of individuals who purposely manipulate those for their own gain. These people see the goodness, blessings, success all over you and choose to create barriers to those ends. Whether they feel threatened, insecure, afraid to be disconnected, or some other motivator is something we will reserve for another discussion. These are individuals that can be friends, neighbors, and even family members, whose secret disdain for who you are and what you are trying to accomplish will have them doing everything they can to sabotage your life.
Are you willing to look at yourself and your people and determine if you all are keeping or caging each other? The intro and retrospective looks are always the most difficult because it is easy to see fault in others, but not us. If you have made some decisions and initiated separation from external actors who are not meant for your well-being or future, yet you still see an inability to progress, it is time to look in the mirror. Some of what keeps us from becoming the best version of ourselves is not just who we are connected to but how we are treating them. We cannot be entrusted with greatness because our morals are already corrupted. Not that this can’t be changed, but it requires an acknowledgement that the change must occur, followed by vigilant activity.
We all have the ability to transition from gatekeepers to key makers. I am living proof of this phenomenon. I lived a double life of pseudo-service and selfish gain for years, having one foot in and one foot out of doing the right thing. I vividly remember looking at myself in the mirror and saying, “Man, you are not a genuinely good person. You only pretend to be when it’s convenient”. That startling realization was a wake-up call and a call to action; what kind of person and man did I really want to be and what did I need to do get there? I made a tough choice and lost some people along the way, but those were people who were trying to cage me and not keep me. Likewise, I gained new friends and improved strained relationships when I decided to start keeping them and not caging them. We must learn to support and not suppress, celebrate and not silence. Let us stop being our brothers (and sisters) stumbling blocks and start being their staircases.
Langley “Casual-Word” Shazor is a poet, author, publisher, entrepreneur, public speaking coach, podcast host, and pastor who is an advocate for youth and men. His goal is to enlighten, empower, and liberate those who are silenced, marginalized, and enslaved to self-destructive thoughts and behaviors.
Visit thecasualword.com.
Editor’s Note: Opinion articles do not represent the views of the Virgin Islands Source newsroom and are the sole expressed opinion of the writer. Submissions can be made to visource@gmail.com.
