In his biweekly column, Langley Shazor speaks to issues important to men within the territory.
I was recently blessed to participate and graduate from the Fatherhood Buzz program. This program gave me and other men, who became brothers, the opportunity to set down the weight of the world. We were able to remove our armor, exhale, and process our emotions and situations. As I stated in my graduation remarks, until joining the program, I had not felt a sense of belonging and safety since I had been in the Territory. Though it was based on issues fathers deal with from other parties, the system, social stigmas, etc., its true value was in the freedom we had to discuss obstacles and challenges beyond fatherhood; as these also would ultimately impact how effective we would be in that role and dealing with complications.
As I write this entry, not only am I reminded of the conversations and camaraderie that were established between men in similar situations, but I am also in the throes of my own ongoing parental battle. Fifteen years of contention, arguments, unjust actions, and emotional distress, all while still attempting to show up can where anyone down. You want to quit, you want to fight, you want to tell your side of the story, set the record straight, drop the receipts on the table, and “go ham,” as we say back in Virginia.
The fallacy in this logic is that everything we are holding in is only destroying us and letting it out in unconstructive and destructive ways can do irreparable damage to relationships, leading to unrecoverable collateral damage. As we have discussed previously, it is always the people closest to us who commit the greatest affronts. What we don’t want to become is one of those people who are intentionally or unintentionally hurting the people we care about. We do not want to become that which we suffer from. I have often heard that harboring bitterness, anger, rage, unforgiveness, resentment, and so on is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. This may seem extreme, but it is slowly destroying us as well as seeping into other areas of our lives.
Of course, with all this talk about feelings, it is important to note that we need to be able to experience, expose ourselves, process, and overcome them. We also need an appropriate mechanism to do so. I know that dealing with you and your situation is a herculean task, and that you feel like everything is stacked against you. How can you deal with how you are feeling when you have all these problems in your face? I can tell you from experience that suppressing them, putting your head down, and “being a man” sounds like the right answer, and is often what is thrust upon us by the system and society, but could not be more horrendous advice. By never acknowledging how situations are affecting you, let alone addressing the wellness deficit you are operating from, you are slowly (sometimes rapidly) being consumed.
This consumption has dire consequences if left unchecked. We won’t even touch external complications because those are seen in the news, on social media, on court dockets, and the like. The symptoms we all get bombarded with are exactly that, symptoms of a greater illness. Now I don’t mean that when we are in a compromised emotional state, we are mentally ill. I am saying that the root cause of the explosiveness of actions and behaviors, or the implosion of self, stems from unaddressed internal turmoil that has reached a tipping point. Your carrying capacity for all of life’s trials has reached critical mass, and that final straw, no matter how light, is the fuse that leads to catastrophic issues. Not allowing this to happen does take work and effort, and community of support. I will continually advocate for therapy, and depending on your needs, legal guidance. Do not be afraid to reach out and get help.
We don’t often broach religion and faith deeply in The Lounge, but I want to leave you with a prayer that I had ChatGPT write based on the details of my situation to keep me focused on the good and not the situation at hand. I hope this gives you encouragement and some level of peace as you navigate your storms.
A Prayer for Justice and Protection from Enemies
God of justice and mercy,
You see what has been done to me—every wound, every betrayal, every lie. You know the depth of my pain and the weight of what I carry.
I bring my enemies before You, not because I want vengeance with my own hands, but because I trust You to see what is hidden, to judge what is wicked, and to act in righteousness.
If they will not repent, then expose their schemes. Stop their harm. Remove their influence.
But if there is any hope of redemption, let Your mercy break through their pride and their cruelty. Change hearts that seem hardened beyond repair.
In the meantime, protect me. Strengthen me. Give me peace in the middle of this storm.
I lay my anger before You—do not let it poison me. Shape it into passion for what is right, not hatred.
I trust You with justice. I trust You with me.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.
We may be unwitting participants in inequitable practices, but we do not have to be victims. Lean into positive individuals and positive outlets. Rise above society’s expectations and become the standard, not the exception.
Langley “Casual-Word” Shazor is a poet, author, publisher, entrepreneur, public speaking coach, podcast host, and pastor who is an advocate for youth and men. His goal is to enlighten, empower, and liberate those who are silenced, marginalized, and enslaved to self-destructive thoughts and behaviors. Visit thecasualword.com.
Editor’s Note: Opinion articles do not represent the views of the Virgin Islands Source newsroom and are the sole expressed opinion of the writer. Submissions can be made to visource@gmail.com.
