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Sunday, January 24, 2021
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Just an Observation

Dear Source:

On the way to work this morning I felt the sudden urge to write about some of the different types of drivers I see daily. I am by no means a perfect driver and probably fit into some of these categories at times; either way here is my list:

1- The racecar driver: You speed down the straights and hammer your brakes at every turn, your lack of understanding to power out of the apex of a turn makes you difficult to drive behind. Most of the drivers in this category will have some sort of tricked out Honda with a muffler that sounds like a pissed off weed whacker. –Avoid at all costs

2- The lost soul: You slow at every road as you aren’t sure where you are going, I can see your head turning back and forth as you scan the area looking for your destination. Here is a little tip; your GPS will work to a certain degree here so use it. –Acceptable to drive behind as they usually use turn signals albeit excessively

3- The elderly: Who else has anywhere to go? In your mind, just yourself as you mosey down the road at 15 mph, these drivers are easy to spot as they usually have a line of cars around 8-10 deep behind them. –Avoid, pass as soon as safely to do so

4- The excessively courteous: These have to be some of the nicest drivers on the road, if you aren’t in a hurry they are fine to drive behind. They patiently let every car in a line get out of a parking lot, they feel that they are doing a good thing but really just impeding traffic. I believe it’s better to live by the one out, one go rule. –Avoid driving behind; accept when trying to get out of a parking lot

5- The careless parent: This driver really upsets me, every time I get behind one of these I have this urge to follow them home and smack them in the back of the head. I see your child hopping around in the back seat as they are not in a booster and buckled in, you don’t really notice as you are texting your friends about what to do for dinner that night. Please I beg you to buckle your children in and put the phone down. –Keep your distance and pray that they don’t hurt anyone

6- The entitled police officer: Tired of driving behind one of the above mentioned drivers? Just flip your lights and sirens on and go around them, don’t forget to promptly shut them off when you pass everyone, stop light taking too long? Again, flip on the red and blues and cruise through it. –Avoid just so you don’t get angry, fight the urge to give the bird to them

7- The anti-turn signal crowd: You know who you are, probably make up 75 percent of the drivers here. I really don’t have to touch on this one too much. Use your damn signals! You make things so difficult for everyone else just because you’re too damn lazy to flip a stick up or down on your steering column. –You can’t avoid this one as they are everywhere

In the end all I want is for people to buckle their kids in and put the phones down, oh, and use your damn turn signals.

Glenn Swartz, St. Thomas

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